Sometimes the abyss seems to be a million miles away, and all is right with the world. Other times, the abyss is right there in my face and I’m doing all that I possibly can, exhausting all my inner strength, to just not fall in. The abyss is like a spiraled vortex with a force of magnetic energy. It seems as though once it is awakened from one bad life experience, it gains momentum and starts to spin faster as it grabs another unbearable moment. The longer we live life, the more we are able to recognize the spiral and learn how to prevent ourselves from getting sucked into it, especially while it’s spinning the wrong direction. Also, through life experience, we learn that dwelling on this abyss won’t get us farther away from it. The more we continue to engage our minds with those moments that have already been sucked into the darkness, the more darkness we will attract to us energetically. It’s hard to keep our chin up and focus on the next positive step during difficult times in our life. When one bad thing happens, we often choose to see all the bad things around us (whether the choice is conscious or not). This can be overwhelming, as emotions are energy that gain power the more we fuel them. I have always learned life lessons the hard way, through hard experiences, but I do learn, eventually. I have had many moments in my life where these experiences (heartaches of sorts) made me want to “check out”. Some moments have made me lose all hope and faith in this existence called life. I don’t think this is an abnormal feeling to have, especially if you’ve experienced hard things. After getting sober, I have these moments less than before, and they are different than before. I am able to see myself, and my situations, with more clarity and emotional control than before. However, I still get tired sometimes and just wish I could level up already, but I know I have to wait my turn. I still haven’t discovered my purpose for being here in this life. I surrender and accept that I am here and that it’s probably not about me. If it was all about me, then I surely would’ve hopped that train long ago, but there’s always been a love I couldn’t leave when it came right down to it (I don’t want to ever hurt anyone). Therefore, to the reason (whatever it may be) I survive every hard moment, thank you Jesus for the gifts of good moments that always come to balance this teeter totter hanging over my abyss. My name is Chris, I see you great big abyss, and I raise you one, “I’ve got this”!
