This bike, actually one similar to it (with a shinier blue seat and more tassels), brings me good memories of my childhood. This wasn’t my bike, this was the neighbor kid’s bike, but it’s the one I learned to ride on. One of my favorite memories with my father before he left. I was around 6 years old when I had my first unexplainable experience, that I can remember. I did some really bad drugs as a street kid in my youth, so my memories from before then are a little jumbled. However, my life at 7 years old, as I remember it, wasn’t too terrible. I had a record player, a playhouse outside, and parents. My dad was a little rough with my mom, and me, but I thought that was “normal”. He really wanted a boy, he said it often. My mom got pregnant, with a girl, and he left with his girlfriend. But, at 6 years old, before anything (that I would have considered) “bad” happened, I had this experience. I was in my room, in my bed, and it was the middle of the night. I remember the wallpaper in that room being spheres, triangles, and square geometric patterns. This night that I remember, I was wide awake and there were all these eraser head type pencil figures of just this really soft white light standing all the way around my bed. I don’t know how many were there, but I was surrounded completely. I couldn’t see faces, but they spoke to me. At first I remember thinking they would wake up my dad, but he never knew anything about it. They told me that my life was about to change and that I wouldn’t see them anymore, but that they would always be with me. I don’t remember seeing them at any other time, but that one time that is still so vivid. They told me to be strong and to just tell the truth even when it’s hard, and that I am a “truth seer and a truth teller”. Let me say, that telling the truth has turned my life upside down more times than I can count. This mouth is unfiltered, and I haven’t always been tactful with my truths. Most of the time it was something that upset me. I’m sure the world around me is pleased that I gave up the whiskey. I will continue to tell the truth, and hopefully gain better skills at my delivery of it. I won’t get into what truths I’ve had to tell so far that I have paid dearly for, that will be on another day. Today, I choose to be that 6 year old, who had no fear of lighted up pencil heads talking to me in the middle of the night. I have survived so much since then, and am so grateful to still be here, that I am ready and willing to embrace all my experiences without fear. No fear of the experience, and no fear of judgments from those who aren’t able to understand. They said they would always be with me, and they are. All the bad things that happened along my path, were just human experiences that I needed to have in order to have the empathy I do now for other humans. I haven’t talked about my experiences much, because people tend to judge what they don’t understand. Having had a bit of a Catholic background, I am aware that my experiences could be considered “unholy” in the eyes of the church, which made me ashamed. I am not ashamed anymore, and I’m also not Catholic anymore. I am also not an “atheist’ as some may believe. I have felt and seen Jesus, and I know his soul is real. I don’t believe that we need an indoor church to experience his powerful love energy. I do believe that atrocious harms and judgements have ensued on many innocent people in his name, and that breaks my heart. The more I have learned about history, I will never be a “religious person” who just talks the talk, because I prefer to be a spiritual person and walk my authentic walk. Ultimately doing my best to abide by the “Golden Rule”. Life doesn’t get easier with age, on many levels, but once you realize that you are all you get to take with you, it makes fitting into any other box besides your own just not worth the wasted energy. Life is too short to be a pawn in anyone else’s game. We have to find our own crowns and let them shine. Jesus is a tender, loving, compassionate soul, and he was crucified for it. If he can take it, so can I, and so can you. Be true to you and have no fear of the unknown, just follow your heart and trust where it leads you. See the world through the innocent eyes of that 6 year old you, before the world told you who to be, and what to think. What mattered to you then, is what matters to your soul now, think about it. All we really want in this life is unconditional love, every single one of us, at our core. This is because we came from love, to be love for each other, and for ourselves. Be the shining light, because that’s what we really are underneath these avatars. I know it’s not easy to glow all the time, because life has it’s moments that can knock you to the ground. So, it’s ok to use training wheels when needed, until you can trust your own balance, focus forward, and not look behind you out of any doubt.
