Who decides the value of anything or anyone? I believe that we all do, in one way or another. You can hear people all the time saying things like “That’s too expensive”, or “Wow, that’s cheap, what a good deal”, or “I can’t believe she’s with him, she should be with someone more worthy”. Ultimately, the decision on worth comes from our own internal value system. I discovered this realization after a moment of self-awareness. I can’t tell you how many times my heart has been broken in my life, but I can tell you it’s because of my own choices in relationships. I have chosen to be with similar types of personalities that I was attracted to, I see the pattern now, and I also see how much I wanted them to see me as worthy of their true and unconditional love. Truth is, I never felt worthy. My parents gave me up during my early adolescent life, I felt very unloved, and thrown away like unwanted garbage. Later in life, I came to the understanding that my parents are just people, humans like everyone else. They were young and just navigating life the best they knew how. I suppose I hadn’t realized, that even though I understood all of this, I still hadn’t healed my deep-rooted feelings of unworthiness. This last heartbreak showed me what I needed to see in myself, and just how hard it was for me to handle brutal rejection from someone I love with all my heart. The question hit me so hard, when I heard myself asking, “why can’t I be loved? What is wrong with me?”. Then it hit me, as I felt like a child again, and remembered exactly how being rejected felt then. I was in my kitchen, and I just dropped to my knees and cried. That little girl in me had been in survival mode for over 40 years. I had never slowed down enough to see who I am, instead of just believing the opinions of those around me in my life. Gratefully, I have some really wonderful friends in my life that remind me of my worth, I think we all need that. Most of all though, we must know our own worth, and know we are worthy of the same love we give. Most opinions of others are just projections of their feelings about their own worth, whether they recognize it or not. The sooner we recognize that, the more free we are to live uninhibited in our true worth. I no longer allow the judgements and opinions of other’s to make me shrink myself into their box of “worthiness”. Now, I choose love and compassion, for myself and other’s, and am ok with not being liked by certain people. I’m also now ok with loving people whether or not they love me back. My love is valuable, true, and loyal, and I can give it to anyone I want to. Now, I’m giving it to myself first, because I am also worthy of this love I have to give. I also believe that everyone that I have ever loved, was worthy of my love whether they valued it or not. What would bring me the most joy in life, is if all the people I love, could love themselves as much as I love them. Think of the person you love the most, and just how much you love them. Now ask yourself if you love yourself that much. Because you are worthy of that same love, we all are.
